How Do You Want to Feel?
We spend so much time asking ourselves what we want to do, and almost no time asking how we want to feel.
How different would life be if we woke up each morning and asked ourselves (and others) “How do you want to feel today?” instead of “What do you want to do?”
If you’re anything like me, the question “What do you want to do today?” elicits a knee-jerk, people-pleasing, play-it-small “I don’t know.”
At the same time, my mind is spinning like a Rolodex of infinite activity ideas, and dealing with the inner turmoil of decision-making-fatigue.
But if someone asked me, “How do you want to feel today?”, after the shock of being asked such an introspective question, I would be able to answer relatively clearly.
I want to feel happy. Content. Peaceful. Relaxed. Connected. Grounded. Energetic. Hopeful. Proud. Confident.
At the very least I could say, “I want to feel NOT terrible.”
Similarly, when we start a new season, we often immediately think of what we want to accomplish.
Out spills a Baker’s Dozen desires, and while they may be closely aligned to core values and greatest wishes, there is usually one thing missing - heart.
Values and dreams tend to be constant, but how we want to feel is as fluid as the wind, shifting with the seasons, changing with each breath; which may be why we’ve become conditioned to ignoring them.
In his book, Stumbling on Happiness, psychologist Daniel Gilbert shows that humans are notoriously bad at predicting what will make them happy, but remarkably good at identifying how they want to feel in any given moment. The implication: feelings are a more reliable compass than predicted outcomes.
In her book, The Desire Map, Danielle Laporte encourages a feelings-focused approach to goal-setting. Instead of focusing solely on achievements, she encourages readers to identify and pursue the core desired feelings they want to experience in their daily lives along the way.
Lastly, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s foundational research on optimal experience shows that “flow” - the state of being fully immersed and energized by an activity - occurs most reliably when the activity is chosen for intrinsic motivation.
Knowing how you want to feel is not soft or indulgent or selfish.
It is the most sophisticated, evidence-based neurologically sound approach to living and moving that exists.
It doesn’t mean that you can’t have a finite goal.
You can still work toward a finish line (either figuratively or literally), but how you want to feel may determine the course you choose to get there.
The core desired feelings serve as a compass throughout the process - helping to ensure the decisions you make along the way align with personal happiness rather than external expectations.
When we tap into how we want to feel at any moment, we can be increasingly true to ourselves.
We can act on our own behalf – right now, as we are.
We can allow our energy, our decisions, our happiness, and our time to be our own, rather than allow our lives to be hijacked by rules, expectations, and plans that were never ours to carry.
We can PERMIT OURSELVES to have dreams that are too sharp-edged.
Paths that are too unorthodox.
Patterns that are too bold.
Bodies that are too full.
Joy is too enthusiastic.
Voices that are too “voiceterous”.
If we focus on the inner landscape we want to cultivate, we soon learn that it is the only map worth following.
And what does all of this have to do with movement? Everything.
I’m about to make a bold claim: If we thought more about how we wanted movement to make us feel, rather than external numbers, metrics, or measurements, we would have a healthier and more consistent relationship with movement.
We could still train for races, and have pace goals, and try to reach milestones but the process we use to get there should be anchored in how we want to feel.
Our runs want to feel liberated.
Our yoga wants to feel spacious.
Our dances want to feel expansive.
Our strength-training wants to feel grounded.
What would happen if we gave them the permission to be just that?
